Archive for October 3rd, 2009

I know, I know, I know.

A few months ago I had myself and the wife convinced that not only could we not afford a minivan, but we could get by with a Saturn Vue and three kids under three, all in car seats.

Then it happened, I was walking out of Target with some fresh green beans, or as I call them frshgrnbns, and I saw a lady with the same exact vehicle my wife is driving putting three kids in car seats into the backseat.

I stopped and stared I was so shocked. I’m guessing by the color of their skin that these were not all her own children, but the struggle she was displaying was bruuuutal. Then as she had the last one in, she closed the door almost all the way and then leaned onto the door to shut it gently and you could see the carseat handle lean in when she got it completely shut.

Now I am not a rich man, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna’ let wifey, who will pretty soon be projectile shooting babies out of her vag, drive around in a vehicle that wont fit three car seats in it without a boatload of man

ipulatioin. Since I’ve been doing guitar lessons after work for a few years to help pay for day care I figured stretching a bit and getting a bigger vehicle would be more than worth the extra meals of hamburger helper without hamburger, which we just call “the help.”

So I started dropping hints about us not being able to rely on her little Vue Vue and she not only bought it, but after our OB appointment last Friday she let me drive into the Aurora Auto-Mall.

Six loooong hours later she was standing proudly next to her 2009 Chrysler Town & Country mini van. That damn thing is like a living room on wheels with THIRTEEN CUPHOLDERS.

After all the research I did about minivans since we found out about the twinvasion of 2010, I had it boiled down to three vehicles, it was her decision but I wasn’t going to allow for a shitbox to be parked in my garage. She picked wisely and rather than going used again and taking the hit on the trade in in a few years, she went new, got the right price (there is no such thing) and knows she can trade it back to the same dealership for a wash in a few years when she needs a new one.

She did amazing at the dealership and I don’t think the guy who sold us the car realized how much he was being manipulated, it was like Big Brother: Mini Van Purchase Edition. She raped ‘em good!

So yeah, I drive a mini van on the weekends now.

My only complaint is that I now have to park outside every night now because of the frickin’ SIZE of this thing, and the whole “I care about the temperature of my kids” thing.

Related articles by Zemanta

• 2009 Chrysler Town & Country (thecarconnection.com)

• Definite sexes of each
• Weight
• Growth process
• Asses the risk levels for spina bifida & downs and any structural issues
• Location in the womb
• Overall health of the babies

Well, we got great answers on all fronts.

We are confirmed as having one boy and one girl. Right now Baby A is our daughter, Leah Anne, and she is 13oz. and currently beating the crap out of Baby B, our son Mason Robert, 11oz., who is currently getting his ass kicked by his older and slightly bigger sister.

Wanna’ meet em?

It looks like Leah is positioned behind Mason with his rear end right in the line of fire, and while watching the good hour long ultrasound we were treated to numerous bludgeons with feet and fists. If there was a way to monitor these kids live at, say a local watering hole, I am sure the humor would cause giggles and finger points all around the bar. I would then invent a drinking game that would require shots of expensive tequila for every head shot, cheap gin for every body shot, and perhaps a bottle of Cristal if a middle finger is raised. It would be legendary, expensive and unnecessary. Much like most of the large parties I have thrown for birthdays or bachelor party festivities (curious? there was lunch meat sliced for the explicit use of throwing it on the entertainment).

I remember slight movements when our son was in the womb, but never a full on ass kicking. This was insane.

My daughter seems to have her brother right where she wants him, and I’m pretty sure I will be unable to resist her charms by the time she pops out to meet us. I have no problem being a complete push over, and yes, she will have a pony.

So everything looks great. The placenta position has improved, the cervix length is better than great, there are no visible complications with growth or structural issues, nada. We are thankful, lucky and not taking anything for granted at this point.

My next goal is figuring out how to make my wife’s job less stressful, and I’m pretty sure the only way to do that is to go bitch slap some butch bitches or convince her it’s time to start bed rest early.