Archive for December, 2009

Last week had the potential to be a really shitty week. A really shitty Christmas week.

Julie’s 24hr urine test showed a “higher than the doctor expected” amount of protein (526mg) in her urine and after a few more higher than normal blood pressure readings at our respective doctor’s offices our High Risk OB group was a ginger’s pubic hair away from admitting Julie into the hospital with preeclampsia. She would stay in the hospital until our family increases from 3 to 5.

We’ve gone through tears and crying about the thought of her actually missing Christmas morning with our son.

We’ve run over the logistics of having a wife in the hospital 50 minutes away where our son isn’t welcome because of the bullshit swine flu. Also factoring in that he’s doing really really well in his new bed.

We’ve realized that there is nothing more painful than not being able to see your kid.

We understand the need for hospitalization,  but we also understand that 32 weeks isn’t our perfect scenario to meet our children for the first time.

We wanted to avoid it until it was absolutely necessary.

So we took some precautions with Dr. Losure’s help at High Risk OB at Delnor Hospital.

Julie has been taking her blood pressure readings at home with a recommended wrist cuff (we got it at walgreens for about 40 bucks). She has been given the list of symptoms of preeclampsia to watch out for and has taken it down from about a 5 on scale of 1-10, to about a 2.

Meaning I allow her to wipe her own ass and feed herself.

On Christmas Eve we met with our other doctor group and our doctor there was happy with the bp readings Julie has been having, as well as the lack of any significant protein in her urine using the chincy little dipsticks they use.

He understood the strain a Christmas in the hospital would put on Julie if it wasn’t completely needed, so he scheduled another 24hr urine collection/blood test, and tomorrow we will find out the results of those tests.

We’re hoping we can add a few more weeks to our little baby farm up in Julie’s magic vag of enlightenment.

We will find out tomorrow. Until then…

Why ruin a perfectly good day with words?

Merry Christmas from Joel, Julie, Dylan & the unborn: Leah & Mason

Last Thursday we had a pair of doctor appointments, one at the OB group and one at High Risk OB @ Delnor Hospital.

Because of our previous visit to the OB group and their complete lack of being prepared, having read Julie’s file, and not knowing their own practice’s practices – we were prepping for a battle of words and belly bumps. Unfortunately for Julie, all of that worrying got her blood pressure up over her normal range and the MA informing her of it increased it even more.

Throughout this entire pregnancy Julie’s blood pressure has been hovering right around 120/80. Every visit was within a few points of the previous visit’s and even though we’ve had a few scares, those have always occurred after the bp reading was taken.

So when Julie was told she was 140/92 or around there for three different readings, two on the exam table and one sitting up straight in a visitor’s chair, the doctor wanted us to keep an eye on it mainly because it had never been an issue before and since we’re high risk, having twins and it’s getting towards crunch time.

What are we keeping an eye on exactly? Two things. If we were looking up a mountain we would first see Hypertension and then Preeclampsia. Thankfully Julie is showing no signs of having either besides the one episode of the high blood pressure. She doesn’t have puffy hands of feet, or “the look” of having anything similar to preeclampsia, says the High Risk doctor, but to be on the safe side he ordered her to collect her urine for 24 hours and then when she drops of her lovely pee, she gets to have some blood drawn.

Julie’s mom, Patti, is an MA herself so over the weekend she took Julies blood pressure a few more times to be sure she wasn’t actually consistent at 140/90 or anything close to that. Every reading had Julie down to where she normally is, if not lower. But regardless of our own findings, we trusted that we should follow through on the pissfest.

So our pissfest started yesterday morning. They gave her a jug of about 3/4 gallon and a handy dandy collection funnel, which is just the most seasonal and festive piss cup/pouring device I’ve ever seen. AND I’VE SEEN ALOT OF PISS COLLECTORS IN MY DAY, OH BOY.

She was instructed to toss out her first morning wee and then collect from there on out until the first morning wee of the next day, which was this morning.

Of course, in our lives, nothing comes without humor.
Keeping the funnel/hat away from our inquisitive son wasn’t the funniest part.
Storing the piss jug next to the orange juice in the fridge wasn’t the funniest part.
Watching Julie retrieve her piss jug every few minutes and the look on her face as she walked past us towards the bathroom (or as the label I put on the door says: SPECIMEN COLLECTION) wasn’t the funniest part.

No, no, no: the funniest part of the whole piss collection story is that Julie ran out of room.

Yes, Julie has a huge orange piss jug full of piss and two tiny tupperware containers full of preggopiss.

Today when she picks me up for our doctor appointment and her blood test, I’m going to make the piss jugs sit shotgun while I sit in back plugging my nose.

I love my wife, but I love laughing at her too. Every time I fall on my ass on the ice, or hit my head on a cabinet or crib, or slip on her panties lying all over the place, she laughs until she cries – well I will carry on the humor of this piss-sperience until she hits me really really hard, or the babies are born. I’m just that kind of guy.

As you can probably tell, I am not worried in the slightest that there is any noticeable protein build up in her tinkle. I believe our doctors are just being as cautious as they should be in a situation such as ours. I have a serious case of the positive thinkings going on and it wouldn’t be beneficial to Julie or the twins if I was to be a worry-wart and hounding over her pee like a koi-pond enthusiast hovering over his koi-pond, if his koi-pond were in fact nearly a gallon of bright yellow piss, in a jug, in my fridge, right next to the oj, right above my assortment of yogurts, cheap cheeses and fruit du jour.

If I know my wife’s piss, and I think I do, that jug has approximately 8 hours left before the acids in her wee wee tinkles eat through that plastic like hydrochloric acid on a cheap pair of rubber gloves.

I better get home and fortify the piss jug.

toodles.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Hypertension Paradox and Treatments Reviewed in NEJM (casesblog.blogspot.com)
• Cause Of Heartburn (slideshare.net)
• Hypertensive Dyslipidaemics (slideshare.net)
• Mommy Blogging: 28 Weeks & 2 GTT Tests (iamlove.blogspot.com)
• Study Finds Link between Preeclampsia and Reduced Thyroid Function (nih.gov)
• What Is Normal Blood Pressure Range? Blood Pressure Chart (healthhype.com)

Remember. Anything.

I remember when Jules was preggo with our son, I would ask her to remind me to do something random like locking the front door or taking out the trash and she would completely forget. I called these brain farts her “pregnancy stupids” and they seemed to evaporate as soon as the lil guy escaped from her magic vag of magicness.

I completely forgot about the “pregnancy stupids” until Julie was about 15 weeks pregnant. She wasn’t really showing much besides the mountainous mountains atop her chest, but she was forgetting everything. Mortgage, car payments, bills, to flush, to wipe, to eat, to slow down at stop signs… She was out of control.

I remember the fourth time I caught her not flushing and I almost went and grabbed her by the neck, stuck her face in it and with a stern look and a pointed finger said “NO! BAD PREGGO!” – But I didn’t, I just took a picture of it, printed it out and affixed it inside every cabinet door we have, and sent a few to her sister to place around her house before Thanksgiving.

As for wiping, you have no idea how painful it is to put the shuttle in reverse (yeah, it’s a minivan, so what? I call it the shuttle to make myself feel cooler ok?) and she says “Wait hold on.” So I pull back into the driveway and she hops (now it’s more like oozes) out of the shuttle and traipses into the house gaily. When she returns I ask what she forgot. “To wipe.” She says. *SILENCE*

I try my hardest to hold back the giggles, she realizes this as a “PHHT” escapes the corner of my mouth and THWAP! Suddenly my arm is numb and she’s giving me the look like the long haired young broad in the dirty white robe in The Ring.

So my wife forgets alot of shit now that she’s preggo as a preggo can be. Think she’ll forget I posted about her forgetting to wipe?

Nope.

Regardless of my sleeping on the couch these next few weeks, her forgetfulness is starting to increase so much, I’m worried about what she does in the shower. Does she enter in there and then think to herself “What did I come in here for?”

Does she lay down in bed only to pop up (slowly of course) and think “What was I going to do in here?”

Does she start cooking dinner, realize TMZ is on and then forget she has perogies on the skillet?

I’m completely concerned for my own well being people! Will she even forget I’m laying next to her in bed and accidentally STEAMROLL me?

Julie, I love you for everything you are and everything you’ve ever forgotten while preggers. I hope you remember who makes  you laugh, cause you sure as shit make me laugh honey bunches of “what did I come in here for?”

I think we’ve spent our last dollar on the twins’ room and our son’s new room (which he has done nothing but play in so far). A combination of family & friends giving us their no-longer-needed furniture, receiving as gifts, buying new and rearranging over the course of six months was all it took.

The largest purchases/decisions were actually the easiest, with the minivan only taking six hours of my life and the crib just being a duplicate that Julie spent 77 hours deciding on while I walked angrily around Rabies R Us. The smaller items and the labor involved in the rearrangements took the most time and energy by far. If I had to break it down by what I loathed the most, I would probably gripe in this order:

5. Dismantling my home studio and scattering its instruments and equipment all over my basement.

4. Rearranging our spare bedroom for my guitar lessons by re-scattering alot of the equipment I wanted out of the basement into the basement.

3. Reconfiguring the garage to fit the mini-van and my truck, which did not work any way I managed to organize it. So my truck is now out in the cold, permanently.

2. Painting my son’s new room.

1. Painting my son’s new room.

Yeah, if there’s one thing I hate, it’s fucking painting. I tape the trim and the ceiling and put down tarps and every fucking time I get paint on the ceiling, paint on the trim and fucking paint on the carpet.

I have no problem with hanging blinds or assembling cribs, those always seem to find a way towards a successful completion, but you give me a completely empty room and a wife griping over my shoulder and I will – every fucking time – screw up a paint job royally.

The only thing we have left to do is pack the bags for the hospital stay and the overnight bag for wherever my little guy is staying, since our hospital will not allow anyone under 18 into Labor & Delivery because people over 18 do not carry ze Schvine Flu.

Oh, and install the bases for the two carseats.

Bet you 5 bucks the minute I hit “publish” my wife will come up with 94 other things for me to do. *Cringing as I hit “publish”…