Archive for February 4th, 2010

I have a few close friends with twins of their own and I saw one on the way to work this morning and he laughed in my face across two lanes of traffic as we sat at a stoplight.

“You’re lookin’ pretty rough there Joely-bear.” *A lot of my male friends seem to call me by nicknames that I had once thought reserved for romantically involved couples… It’s unsettling but oddly comforting.

‘Nah. Doin’ fine. How’s the fam?’

“Don’t change the subject jagbag. You’re drunk on tired aren’t ya?”

All I can really do is nod at this point because I’m getting at least 5 hours of sleep a night, but it isn’t really coming all at once, rather in 2 hour bursts. And that’s only if my two year old son doesn’t wake up at some point during the night.

The twinsies have to eat every three hours, so there is a half hour for feeding and a good fifteen minutes for putting them back down, which includes a change and a dozen kisses each. Add in the one pumping Julie does at like 2am, which I say doesn’t wake me up, but come on that Medela pump is fucking creepy and it talks to me about assassinating Sesame Street characters with tainted cookies. If there’s a 10pm feeding, then a 1 or 1:30am feeding and then a 4 or 4:30 feeding and then I get up at like 6 for work or 6:05 on the weekends when my 2 year old sleeps in, we’re just on top of 5 hours.

So I guess I’m always drunk on tired right now.

Symptoms of this rare but extremely common complex are:

• blood shot eyes
• bags under said blood shot eyes
• chalky taste in the mouth from coffee three times a day
• breath resembling, to quote Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle: pig shit in turpentine
• sentences that start with, contain and normally end with “uhhhhmmmm”
• blank stares at people who ask simple questions like “Do you want a cookie?”
• incorrect word order. example: “I need helping this with.”
• inability to finish typing sente