When my wife was pregnant with our son a few years ago, we spent about three evenings a week standing around our local Babies R Us. When I say local, I mean it was the closest one. When I mean close, I mean it was only 45 minutes from our house.

Day after day, after week, after month I spent following her around the furniture section of the store measuring, sizing up, matching up color swatches to wood tones, scratching the varnish to see how easy it was to divot, scratch or peel, demonstrating the features where the bed grows with the child, etc.

photo credit: TedsBlog

We ended up deciding on a set that was discontinued in the store, so it had to be shipped. What we had taken 89 years to decide on couldn’t even be taken home with us that day! 6 weeks later I borrowed a truck and went a picked it up (I have since purchased my own truck thankfully), took it home, assembled the crib and dresser, and marveled at the beauty that was new baby furniture.

18 months later I can’t even count the bite marks, dents, divots and gouges in the crib alone! The fancy changing table/dresser? My son has managed to break the wood frame for the changing table top, and now we only use the dresser to store the 79 receiving blankets we received prior to receiving our son who really hasn’t received anything since needing a receiving blanket to be received in!

So now, twins are on the way.

New furniture shopping!

F*&#@ that noise.

My son’s bed is now one of the twins beds and the other twin will get his/her’s nephew’s current crib and I will buy my son a new bed AND put him in a new bedroom for good measure!

All of the hype and excitement of the first child was necessary in your adult maturation to realize that furniture is just furniture and, like everythying else in your house besides your kids, will be trash or ashes one of these days.

I’m not saying me, my wife or my kids will sleep on hardened elephant feces or just anything, but we can do without the artesian cherry finishes and the expandable bed frames and all that jazz.

Bed, dresser, lamp, night light and a ceiling fan.

Where did the old me go? He left when he realized the value of food over chic kid furniture that 5 people other than my family will ever see.

2.2lbs of cheeseballs vs. a crib bumper made of italian chiffon?

CHEESEBALLS!

photo credit: GregPC

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