Two Types of People We’re Meeting…

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September 12th, 2009 |

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Since late June 2009 when we found out we were being blessed with having twins, we have discovered two distinct types of people, in regards to their discovery that we are having twins. So as to not dwell or end on a negative point, I will discuss the shitfaces first.

Shitfaces:

Shitfaces are broken down into three types of people:

People who already have twins and are offended that you will be sharing in their experience and stealing their thunder. Nothing you can say to stand up for yourself is of any merit because you haven’t experienced what they have, yet. You are dumb, you are walking into hell, and whatever happens with your twins is easy compared to what they deal with on a daily basis with theirs.
People who are normally “OH YEAH?” people. Even if you just won the lottery, which we kind of just did, they won more. Even people without children have made comments to somehow insinuate that their life is more difficult, yet we haven’t insinuated that our life will be difficult, it will just be different.
People who immediately react with negativity from a first person standpoint, as if the misplaced empathy they feel immediately makes them feel better by saying something negative. I have actually had a good friend of mine laugh out loud as soon as I told him and instead of saying “Congrats man!” he blurted out “THAT SUCKS!!” Does it? How?

Now I’m not a vengeful person, nor do I wish ill will on these people, rather I feel sorry for folks like this. There are so many things to stand up for in life and to make one of them a negative one is beyond me. If these peeps actually feel better for having spouted something like I have mentioned above, they probably have never realized how much better they could feel if they offered advice when we’re in the weeds, or freaking out or unsure of something about the day to day logistics of parenting twins, or even just an ear on the phone if they don’t have twins, or even kids at all.

These people could set themselves up as resources, friends or the people you remember for saying really really cool shit when they hear the news.

The Citizens of Awesomeville:

The residents of Awesomeville have four types:

Parents of twins who instantly welcome you into the gang with a secret handshake, a knowing nod and the offering of an ear to talk into, should you need it. These folks dealt with the Shitfaces, and they know the value of positive thinking, speaking and acting. They know that the times when you are unsure about things are the times when you feel most vulnerable to negative thought and that even the smallest suggestion of a struggle on down the road can freak you out for a few days.
Parents of any child or children that give you the look of “If anyone can do it, you guys can do it.” One of my best friends on the planet is one of those guys who mutters things you see on the walls of corporate offices or grade schools at random times and even he was stumped, and ended up saying quite loudly as he embraced me in a giant bearhug: “You are going to kick a shit ton of ass my friend!” I need that when I’m not in front of my wife, I really do, and it is completely appreciated.
The people who love babies and everything about babies and make themselves honorary family members. I remember when we were just about to have our son and these people used to creep me out. I was always saying to myself “STOP TOUCHIN MY LADY’S BELLY YO!” Yet you don’t realize that as soon as your baby is born, they will shower that kid and you with love as if they are actually in your family. I have a friend through other friends that I don’t really talk to, but I picture her first when talking about these type people as she always gets up when we see her and asks to hold or hang out with my son. She doesn’t get creepy and whip out her tit trying to breast feed him, or take him into another room out of our line of sight, she’s just perfectly happy giving my family some attention because it makes her happy.
The people who remember. These are the people, regardless if you’re having twins, or a singleton, or getting a new job, or moving into a new house, these people, as unoften as you might see them, they remember. They ask. They understand that they aren’t in your life every day, but they want to make sure that the time they spend with you, no matter how short, is worthwhile and meaningful. Just this past weekend we went to two friends’ 30th birthday party and it was unreal. Here we are, driving an hour into the city, sweating from the walk of carrying the little dude, and watching wife waddle with the backpain and constant early contractions, and we’re being embraced genuinely. I’d guess about 80% of our friends there knew about the twins, but even those that just thought Jules was just pregnant were excited to see us and made sure to convey that excitement appropriately. None of that “WHERE YOU BEEN DUDE?” or “DUDE, YOU NEVER GO OUT ANYMORE!” or my favorite “YOUR WIFE LET YOU LEAVE THE CRIB EVER MAN?” – Mature adults realize that time passes quickly when you haven’t seen someone, but true friends don’t care how long it’s been, right now means more than all those times you weren’t out on the town knocking back jaegerbombs and playing beer pong on skyscraper roofs.

In conclusion, some people frickin rule. Some people need a good smack upside the head with their own negativity and a good one on one with their own disappointment at how their lives turned out because of their shitty attitude.