At any given time, holding any container with water or food, standing or siting near any type of flooring, furniture or HUMAN MALES, a jolt of pain can be sent directly to your hip or uterine area which will cause said container to flip INto the air, flipping end over end and landing on said floor, piece of furniture or HUMAN MALE.

photo credit: //amy//

These sharp pains are not the babies trying to hatch.
These sharp pains are not a voracious pack of mealworms trying to ooze their way out of your hip bones or uterus.

This sudden sharp pain jolt is “Round Ligament Pain.”

The Round Ligament of the Uterus, as told by the almighty Wikipedia is:

“The function of the round ligament is maintenance of the anteversion of the uterus (a position where the fundus of the uterus leans ventrally). When the uterus grows during pregnancy, these ligaments can stretch causing pain.”

Due to my ownership of testicles and not actually carrying the twins, I am limited in what I can do to make these pains go away to absolutely nothing, but at least I can educate myself enough to try and quell her fears about alien babies and imaginary deck nails poking her at random intervals.

Today’s lesson tells me I can shush her successfully by putting my hands in front of my imaginary uterus and mimic the “uterine growth” that is occurring.

Those are growing pains babe! SUCK IT UP! *im dead aren’t i?*

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