I don’t care who you are, when that nurse whips out the Doppler you get excited to hear what the lil ones got goin’ on up in mom’s bell. What’s funny is that I have a doppler at home that is left over from my pharmacy’s home health days, hell, I even have a billi-light set up if we need it, but there is a certain sense of pride one can feel when they rip the Doppler wand out of the nurse’s hand and guides them to the each heartbeat instantly.

I’m their dad, I know where the hell they are at all times. I even installed a webcam in my wife’s drawls to keep an extra eye on em. I get a text message, email, fax and tweet whenever they move.

Yeah people, I’m that involved.

If you haven’t purchased your own off eBay or craigslist or anywhere else on ye internets, you simply MUST darling. Just listening to babies is not all you can do with your Doppler. There are many other hilarious and disgusting uses for a baby-listening utensil. For example:

1. Using the 1/8″ output, record your baby’s or babies’s heartbeats and cut the .wav files and use them as kick drums in cakewalk software and make dance music using only uterine noises.
2. Eat a handful of cheeseballs and immediately listen as they digest. I’ve noticed that snack foods that contain mostly air emit an odd whistling as they pass through the esophagus.
3. Hold in all flatulence for a good half hour and listen as the gas escapes back into your body, doubling in intensity, aroma and comedic effect.
4. Hold the machine to your throat and gargle without water and make all kids within earshot stop and pay attention to you.
5. Cup the Doppler wand in your hands and say “Luke, I am your insurance salesman.” This will not annoy your wife.
6. Turn on the machine and whip the wand around by its cord and listen to the windsong.
7. Tell your wife to take her phone conversation about absolutely nothing upstairs and close the door. Then quietly sneak up there and put the Doppler wand to the door and the speaker to your ear (on low volume) and try to extract as much random chatter as you can. And when she opens the door to find you and your son ear up against it, open your mouth in an “IM SHOCKED” fashion and storm away.
8. When your mother in law calls, put the Doppler wand up against your facial hair and the speaker to the phone mic and ruffle your feathers. She won’t find it annoying at all.
9. Take it grocery shopping with you and clip it to your belt. Occasionally hold the wand up to random items in the store and act suspicious. When someone makes eye contact with you, drop the item and squeal like a 6 year old girl and hightail it out of there.
10. Take it to family functions and when large male members of your family are sitting, bell exposed, squirt some of the blue ultrasound goop on their belly and give a listen, preferably with the entire family behind you to hear “the beautiful gift of life.”

In no way am I joking about any of this.

Love,

Dad

The Twin Dad & His Trusty Doppler is a post from: havingtwinsnow.com

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We had no expectations but to hear the heartbeats of our babies for the first time. The last time we were in a position to hear them, they were looking for one heartbeat and found three (a, b & julie – not triplets), so the sound was forgotten in order to celebrate the multiple factor.

Our first impressions were all awesome. Nice office, nice people, awesome Doctor and a huge favor that we won’t forget.

As the MA was poking around with the doppler, we found one heartbeat at 160 bpm but couldn’t find another one. She apologized and left the room saying the doctor would be in shortly. Now, there is nothing like hearing your child’s heartbeat for the first time, and there’s nothing like finding out you’re having twins, but when someone says they cant find the heartbeat of one of your babies, no matter how tough and strong you are, you start to freak out a little bit.

We’ve read about “disappearing twins” and about the mothers who birth one live and one stillborn baby, but we haven’t actually put any of that into our stockpile of preparation ammunition by ANY means. After a few minutes of silence the doctor enters the room and sees Jules crying and me fighting back tears unsuccessfully. She asked what was wrong and we explained without actually explaining so as to keep those words unspoken.

With a quick tilt of the head and a smile the doctor says “Do you want to go see them? I have an ultrasound down the hall. Come on, let’s take a walk.”

A few deep breaths and a squirt of some cold ultrasound lube later we were looking at our two babies. The heartbeat on the right side twin was clear as day, the left side, not so much. Just as we were about to look at each other the left one JUMPED and twisted like a microscopic version of our son. We were overjoyed, again.

I pulled out my cell phone and asked if I could take a picture to which the doctor scoffed and said “I can print you a picture.”

So I have the first picture of our two lil’ ninjas.

The first public viewing inside wifey's incubator. Aren't they cute!

Most people would have no idea what they hell they were looking at, but our son was considered high risk so I have improved my ultrasound viewing capabilities considerably since the first time I witnessed one. If you don’t know, up top, exact middle is one and to the left of that is two. They are both playing Playstation 3 in this picture like their daddy does when all the kids and wife are asleep.

START EM YOUNG!

Needless to say, we’re not as freaked out knowing that they’re still kicking a ton of ass, but we’re not to 12 weeks yet.

This is the part of my life where I hold up encouraging signs for my wife like I’m at a ballgame saying things like:

DRINK THAT WATER!

EAT THAT PROTEIN!

SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP!

I will take care of everything else, you just take care of you three.

First Scare & First Pictures of Our Twins is a post from: havingtwinsnow.com

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