Posts Tagged ‘Family’

Like many of you, I subscribe to a number of parenting blogs about raising twins, now that I’m on course for watching them shoot out of wifey’s hoo-ha, it seems pretty necessary to beef up my brain to prepare for the onslaught.

One of my favorites is http://www.dadsguidetotwins.com and the guy who authors it, Joe, is always open to questions from his readers.

WELL I HAVE QUESTIONS!

The one that I am constantly reminded about is the morning shuffle off to daycare/work. How does one manage to get out the door for work WITH TWINS?!

So I asked this very question and Joe, the stand up guy he is, wrote back! He’s real! He isn’t a robot with twins! He’s a human awesome machine!

Below is Joe’s response and I’m thankful to have a better “nuts & bolts” idea of how a married couple gets the army out the door every morning.

I got an email the other day from Joel at havingtwinsnow.com. He asked me how I even get out of the house in the morning to go to work.

This is a great question and I thought the answer would benefit you as well.

Indeed, having twins, and especially twins along with other siblings can make for a full and crazy house.

Right now, we’ve got two boys ages 4 and 3 and 15 month old twin girls.

My typical morning goes like this:

I wake up by 6:00am.

If the kids are still asleep, I jump in the shower and get ready. My wife may be at the gym exercising, handling the kids if they are awake, or still asleep.

By 6:30, I’m dressed and ready for the day. The kids are awake by this time and our older boys have already started wandering around the house. The twins will be in their cribs squawking for attention.

I’ll get all four kids to the kitchen and start them on breakfast.

If my wife was at the gym, she’ll arrive home around this time and then take a shower and get dressed while I finish up breakfast with the kids.

While the kids are eating, I’ll eat breakfast and pack a lunch to take to work.

As the kids finish eating, I’ll help them get dressed or point them in the right direction. Our four year old can get dressed himself. Our three year old takes some effort.

I’ll clean up our 15 month old twins and carry or lead them to their room to get dressed. I’ll change their diapers, get them dressed and then set them free to play and roam around the house.

About the time the kids are ready, my wife will finish up her morning preparations and will relieve me while I brush my teeth, put on my shoes and get ready to leave.

We’ll have family prayer together and then I give everyone hugs and kisses.

Goodbyes are probably the hardest part of the morning since all the kids either want multiple hugs or don’t want me to go to work.

I’m usually out and on the way to work by 7:45am.

We’ve got our system down pretty good but it varies day-to-day based on the randomness of life. Fortunately my wife is flexible with her schedule, I have a short commute and don’t always have to be to work at a specific time.

We are able to have a smooth morning routine because our kids have predictable sleep schedules (thanks to Good Night Sleep Tight) and we make sure the house is cleaned up the night before so everything is in order when we wake up.

Hope this peak into my morning routine helps as you conquer the morning with your little ones.

Best Regards,
Joe Rawlinson

Joe rules. So go visit his website: DadsGuideToTwins.com or I’ll cry.

Image by misskoco via Flickr

Thankfully, my current twitterfeed consists of porn stars and the mothers and fathers of twins and multiples. So when I’m not in the mood for stories about chapped nipples, projectile vomiting, poop up the backs of pajamas, or all night crying fits; I can always go look at some surgically altered breasticles and backsides.

Am I gross? Should I be punished? Are you thinking “what a perv!”?

I don’t really care what your opinion of me, but I can honestly say from a father’s standpoint, that the best way to give a man a refresher is to shove some fake tanned boobs in his face. I want to stay on top of my game so my twitterfeed is 90% twins, parenting and twin parenting related and 10% boobs. If I ever freak out I will up my boob intake by a minimum of 10%. It’ll be the tits!

SO, back to what I’m HELL YEAH-ing about regarding the internet today. I was going through twitter this afternoon and came across this article about Twin Support Groups and why it is a good idea to join one. At first I was like “Ah man, a group of whiny parents talking about chapped nipples, projectile vomiting, poop up the backs of pajamas, or all night crying fits – where’s the boobs?” But then I read this article and I am now convinced that the more reinforcements I have alongside me, the better my kids existence will be.

It’s a win win situation! I go listen to some talk about chapped nipples, projectile vomiting, poop up the backs of pajamas, and all night crying fits, then maybe I slip out the back, light a cigar, sip some Johnny Walker Red and talk boobs with the other twinpadres ay?

SEE! It all comes back to boobs! We come out attached at the nip, we die trying desperately to attach ourselves to more nips!

Regardless of my fascination with boobs today, I found a great article on a great blog (http://www.twinparenthood.com) that I will now follow like I follow boobs.

Read this article here: Top 10 Reasons to Join a Twins / Multiples Support Group

May your nipples remain unchapped, your kids vomit only trickle, their poop stay in it’s diaper and may they sleep through the night.

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Hey now, don’t look at me like that!

I’m not making this crap up! There is a nearly 3% difference between May and January births and who conceived them, dumb broads or smart broads, rich broads or poor broads, socially mature broads or socially inept broads.

Think I’m full of the stink? Read this: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB125356566517528879.html

I know some studies are pretty dumb, and this one might actually be a little common sensical if it weren’t for the fact that my son and my two unborn twins are all winter babies. So rather than being offended that there is empirical data out there that such a truth exists, however small it is, I’m going to react how a dumb, loose teen would:

Eat my ass sciencers!

Seriously, read the article. I chortled.

Chortled!

Two weeks ago we traveled to the high risk OB’s office to check on Julie’s cervix length to determine if these extremely early contractions were somehow harming her, the babies or shrinking her cervix somehow. Last time she had the cervical scan, it “looked good for 16 weeks” but there wasnt a truly defined cervix to really measure, but there also wasn’t anything to be concerned about when looking at it.

This time, the scan was more specific because the cervix had developed more since two weeks prior. I’m not 100% sure what the number was, centimeters or “clicks” or what, but she measured at “46.” If you know what that means, please, let me know. Of course, having the technician say “Now THAT is a beautiful cervix,” is good enough for us.

And for the record, I am thankful, once again, for the testicles I was given, because if someone told me to shove this inside of me I would vomit.

Look at this WAAAAND!

Of course the blue goo is perfectly coiled like a squirt of caramel isn’t it?

"Would you like to guide it in?" "No!"

For the record, I would not like to guide it in.

fin.

Since late June 2009 when we found out we were being blessed with having twins, we have discovered two distinct types of people, in regards to their discovery that we are having twins. So as to not dwell or end on a negative point, I will discuss the shitfaces first.

Shitfaces:

Shitfaces are broken down into three types of people:

1. People who already have twins and are offended that you will be sharing in their experience and stealing their thunder. Nothing you can say to stand up for yourself is of any merit because you haven’t experienced what they have, yet. You are dumb, you are walking into hell, and whatever happens with your twins is easy compared to what they deal with on a daily basis with theirs.
2. People who are normally “OH YEAH?” people. Even if you just won the lottery, which we kind of just did, they won more. Even people without children have made comments to somehow insinuate that their life is more difficult, yet we haven’t insinuated that our life will be difficult, it will just be different.
3. People who immediately react with negativity from a first person standpoint, as if the misplaced empathy they feel immediately makes them feel better by saying something negative. I have actually had a good friend of mine laugh out loud as soon as I told him and instead of saying “Congrats man!” he blurted out “THAT SUCKS!!” Does it? How?

Now I’m not a vengeful person, nor do I wish ill will on these people, rather I feel sorry for folks like this. There are so many things to stand up for in life and to make one of them a negative one is beyond me. If these peeps actually feel better for having spouted something like I have mentioned above, they probably have never realized how much better they could feel if they offered advice when we’re in the weeds, or freaking out or unsure of something about the day to day logistics of parenting twins, or even just an ear on the phone if they don’t have twins, or even kids at all.

These people could set themselves up as resources, friends or the people you remember for saying really really cool shit when they hear the news.

The Citizens of Awesomeville:

The residents of Awesomeville have four types:

1. Parents of twins who instantly welcome you into the gang with a secret handshake, a knowing nod and the offering of an ear to talk into, should you need it. These folks dealt with the Shitfaces, and they know the value of positive thinking, speaking and acting. They know that the times when you are unsure about things are the times when you feel most vulnerable to negative thought and that even the smallest suggestion of a struggle on down the road can freak you out for a few days.
2. Parents of any child or children that give you the look of “If anyone can do it, you guys can do it.” One of my best friends on the planet is one of those guys who mutters things you see on the walls of corporate offices or grade schools at random times and even he was stumped, and ended up saying quite loudly as he embraced me in a giant bearhug: “You are going to kick a shit ton of ass my friend!” I need that when I’m not in front of my wife, I really do, and it is completely appreciated.
3. The people who love babies and everything about babies and make themselves honorary family members. I remember when we were just about to have our son and these people used to creep me out. I was always saying to myself “STOP TOUCHIN MY LADY’S BELLY YO!” Yet you don’t realize that as soon as your baby is born, they will shower that kid and you with love as if they are actually in your family. I have a friend through other friends that I don’t really talk to, but I picture her first when talking about these type people as she always gets up when we see her and asks to hold or hang out with my son. She doesn’t get creepy and whip out her tit trying to breast feed him, or take him into another room out of our line of sight, she’s just perfectly happy giving my family some attention because it makes her happy.
4. The people who remember. These are the people, regardless if you’re having twins, or a singleton, or getting a new job, or moving into a new house, these people, as unoften as you might see them, they remember. They ask. They understand that they aren’t in your life every day, but they want to make sure that the time they spend with you, no matter how short, is worthwhile and meaningful. Just this past weekend we went to two friends’ 30th birthday party and it was unreal. Here we are, driving an hour into the city, sweating from the walk of carrying the little dude, and watching wife waddle with the backpain and constant early contractions, and we’re being embraced genuinely. I’d guess about 80% of our friends there knew about the twins, but even those that just thought Jules was just pregnant were excited to see us and made sure to convey that excitement appropriately. None of that “WHERE YOU BEEN DUDE?” or “DUDE, YOU NEVER GO OUT ANYMORE!” or my favorite “YOUR WIFE LET YOU LEAVE THE CRIB EVER MAN?” – Mature adults realize that time passes quickly when you haven’t seen someone, but true friends don’t care how long it’s been, right now means more than all those times you weren’t out on the town knocking back jaegerbombs and playing beer pong on skyscraper roofs.

In conclusion, some people frickin rule. Some people need a good smack upside the head with their own negativity and a good one on one with their own disappointment at how their lives turned out because of their shitty attitude.

NOTE: Curse words fucking rule.

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